Planning Your Route

Setting Positive Intentions to Transition Into 2013

Over the past couple weeks, I have thankfully had more time on my hands. I have been using this time to stay home, be with family, reflect on the intentions I set for 2012, and acknowledge everything that happened and what I'm still working towards. One thing I know for sure is that if we don't take the time to reflect and set our road map for next year, we have no guidance and no way of knowing if we are on track with what we want with our lives. So I wanted to take a few moments to share a little bit of the process I use with you to use to develop your own map.

First, these ain't no “I want to lose 10 pounds” kind of resolutions. We don't want to put all our attention into what we don't want and focus on the negative. Instead, we are going to focus on more of what we do want. When we fill our lives with the things we do want, there is less room for the negative things we don't want. To do that, it helps to start with taking stock of what we do have. It helps to start with reviewing your intentions from last year, but if you didn't set any, you can review the year month by month with the key events and look for the blessing and the good things that came out of them.

Once you have reviewed your progress and acknowledged your gifts for the year, you are ready to clean your mental state to prepare for next year. Find some time where you can be alone and uninterrupted. Take out a blank sheet of unlined paper or you use the template I created for you and grab a pen or some colored markers or pencils. You will do this in two stages, first looking at the internal then the external. You will ask yourself some questions, then sit quietly, then jot down some intentions.

1. First, ask yourself, “What kind of person do I want to be?” “What do I want to give to the world?” “What qualities do I want to grow and develop?” “What qualities do I want to have more of next year?”
2. Now close your eyes and sit quietly for at least 5 minutes and watch your mind. You are not trying answer the questions directly, but just watch what comes up. Don't dwell on any one thought. Just note it and let it go.
3. In the center of your page or in the center circle if you are using the worksheet, write some words that represents these qualities of you that you want to grow and develop next year. Some of these words may be things that showed up in your silence, some may be words that show up right now as you are writing. Both are fine.
4. Next, you will look at more external things you want to call in and have more of in your life. Ask yourself, “What do I want more of in my life next year? “What will make life more enjoyable?” “What do I want to spend my time doing?” “Who do I want to spend my time with?” “What will make life more meaningful and fulfilling?”
5. Again, close your eyes and sit quietly for at least 5 minutes and watch your mind. You are not trying answer the questions directly, but just watch what comes up. Don't dwell on any one thought. Just note it and let it go.
6. Now, surrounding the center circle containing the things you put on your page earlier, write some words that represent what you want to have more of next year. Again, some of these words may be things that showed up in your silence, some may be words that show up right now as you are writing. Both are fine.
7. The last step is to connect the dots. We can make movement toward our goals easiest when we take small steps. Too big, and our fear gets the best of us and we don't move at all. So connect the dots with 1-2 small actions you can (and will) take to move toward the things you want more of in your life. If you are not taking the step, it is too big. Make it smaller until you have something you actually can and will do.
8. When you have it all complete, step back from your page and look at it from a distance. Does this represent what you want for next year? What will it be like when you have it? Is there anything missing? If so, feel free to go back and add a couple things, but don't get to carried away. Keep it simple.

This process can take days or it can take 30 minutes. For me, it is usually a combination of both. I start asking myself the questions days in advance and then sit and do the exercise above at one time. The more time and space you can give yourself to do this the better, but as always, find what works for you.

Once you are done, either put this paper in a place where you can see it daily like your bathroom mirror or refrigerator or you can put it in a special place where you will make a point to revisit it 2-4 times next year. At the very least, now you will have some direction to check back in with next year to see if you are on track with what you want in your life, or you are getting distracted and lost. When you check back in throughout the year, you can simply ask yourself, "Is what I'm doing getting me closer to these guideposts or farther away?"  Redirect and adjust as necessary   Chances are, just by taking the time to do this, it will be like setting your compass bearing and you will end up closer to your target than if you never defined your waypoints to start with.

This process helps you define your map so you know which direction you are heading, but remember, most worthwhile journeys have obstacles, detours, and changes of plans. Most significant changes take time, so it is important to keep your steps small enough to take and acknowledge the progress you are making.

If you use this process, I'd love to hear how it goes for you. Feel free to send me an email with any thoughts, comments, or feedback. Best wishes for an exciting and abundant new year! I hope it is the best year ever!

~chuck

What do you think? Better yet, what do you feel? What do you experience? Let's continue the conversation! You can find me at www.innerlifeadventures.com or email chuck@innerlifeadventures.com.  Want to meet?  Here's how.

Chuck Hancock, M.Ed, LPC is a National Certified Counselor, Licensed Professional Counselor, and a Registered Psychotherapist in the state of CO. He has completed comprehensive training in the Hakomi Method of Experiential Psychotherapy, a mindfulness mind-body centered approach. Chuck guides individuals and groups in self-exploration providing them with insight and tools for change. He also incorporates nature as a therapy tool to help shift perspective and inspire new patterns.

Finding The Blessing in the Newtown School Shooting Tragedy

My heart is hurting for the children - the children who survived the shooting who were there in the school and all the children and teachers who attend schools everyday who were exposed to this news. My heart is hurting for the parents - the parents who lost their young children, the parents who's children were in the school when it happened, and the all the parents around the world who send their children to school everyday. All of these lives are forever impacted. Rather than focus on the pain of the tragedy, I hope we can focus on the blessing.  And it for those directly impacted, it will take time.

When someone is hurting in isolation, it is easy for us to look away thinking it is not my problem. Unfortunately, that is what has enabled this event and the increase in shootings in recent years. Many people are hurting so much in isolation without the support of community they feel they have no choice but to hurt themselves or others in an attempt to communicate or end their pain. Now many more people are dead or hurting, and there is nobody who has heard this news that is not affected by it. The blessing of this event is that it is a slap in the face reminding us of our interconnectedness. One person's suffering is all of our problem. 

If you have come to help me you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.

-- An Aboriginal Australian woman - Aboriginal activists group, Queensland

I invite you to really feel into yourself the next time you see someone suffering in even the smallest way. You will feel their pain. Modern neuroscience is even showing how and why we feel it with mirror neurons, but we can still choose to detach with alcohol, drugs, TV, busyness, or simply rationalizing about it. It is easy to disconnect, but this shooting makes it next to impossible to not feel it. Don't disconnect from yourself. Stay present with the suffering you see around you and do something to help. It may be tempting to avoid feeling the grief by taking action too quickly, but avoiding your grief will only prolong it and turn it into fear.

I'm glad to see so many speaking out now on treating "severe" mental illness as a result of this event, but I feel we can't just put the blame on those people with "severe" symptoms.  These are just the people that feel our societal problems the most. They are the canaries in the coal mine. They are the ones being ostracized in the biggest way, but we all feel separate and isolated with nowhere to turn for help in our own small ways, and we can't ignore it any longer.

With this reminder of our interconnectedness, perhaps we can now focus on helping each other. Putting more locks on schools or passing laws about gun control will do absolutely nothing if we continue to ignore each other's suffering. We all have it. Let's not wait until it gets extreme enough to cause any more serious harm. Don't ignore your unhappy coworker, neighbor, cashier, classmate, or stranger. Don't ignore your own unhappiness. Get help. Be help. Get authentically reconnected with the people you see everyday. It's important.   

~chuck

What do you think? Better yet, what do you feel? What do you experience? Let's continue the conversation! You can find me at www.innerlifeadventures.com or email chuck @ innerlifeadventures.com.  Want to meet?  Here's how.

Chuck Hancock, M.Ed., LPC is a National Certified Counselor and Psychotherapist in the state of CO. He has completed comprehensive training in the Hakomi Method of Experiential Psychotherapy, a mindfulness mind-body centered approach. Chuck guides individuals and groups in self-exploration providing them with insight and tools for change. He also incorporates nature as a therapy tool to help shift perspective and inspire new patterns.