It is a trap - feeling good enough. So many people I know, myself included, have a complicated relationship with feeling good enough. It is a constant desire to improve, to be better, to do more, and accomplish more. We think this is a good thing – who doesn't want to improve, be better, and accomplish more? So not
|Photo by D Sharon Pruitt|
However so many of us fall prey to the dark side where it leads us to not feeling good, period. Not feeling like where we are and what we are doing right now is good enough can lead to dissatisfaction, disappointment, sadness, and eventually depression. Obviously, when we believe we are not good enough in this way it brings us down rather than motivates us. It saps us of our energy robbing us of our drive and ambition.
When confronted with this paradox, most of us put up a fight. We don’t want to let go of the feeling that we are not good enough and accept that we are actually good enough. We fear that we will stop striving for more if we let ourselves feel good enough as we are. We ignore how much the belief that we are not good enough is limiting us - causing us suffering because we are stuck, and we think telling ourselves we are not good enough will provide the motivation to become unstuck through our striving to be good enough. But by feeling not good enough we don’t have the energy to move.
Obviously, there is nothing wrong with wanting to grow, improve, and be a better person. That is what I attempt to help people do every day. So yes, take the time to define who you want to be and how you want to improve. Define the person you see yourself when you are living life fully and feeling good about it. It gives us goals to strive for. And we have more ability to reach our goals if we aren’t beating ourselves up about not being there now. The feeling "I want to be..." is only helpful as long as “I am good enough just as I am” is also equally true.
What do you think? Better yet, what do you feel? What do you experience? Let's continue the conversation! You can find me at www.innerlifeadventures.com or email email@example.com. Want to meet? Here's how.
Chuck Hancock, M.Ed, LPC is a National Certified Counselor, Licensed Professional Counselor, and a Registered Psychotherapist in the state of CO. He has completed comprehensive training in the Hakomi Method of Experiential Psychotherapy, a mindfulness mind-body centered approach. Chuck guides individuals and groups in self-exploration providing them with insight and tools for change. He also incorporates nature as a therapy tool to help shift perspective and inspire new patterns.